[IGSTK-Developers] FW: IGSTK Book -- Tracker Chapter edits

[Kevin Cleary]

Hi everyone:

Attached are the edits to David's chapter FYI. If you think it is useful to
have your chapter reviewed this way (I would like to see as many chapters
reviewed as possible) please let me know and I can arrange it. You do not
have to use the edits and can pick and choose as you please.

Kevin

-----Original Message-----
From: Kevin Cleary [mailto:cleary at georgetown.edu] 
Sent: Thursday, July 06, 2006 6:24 PM
To: 'David Gobbi'
Cc: 'Patrick Cheng'
Subject: FW: IGSTK Book -- Tracker Chapter

David:

We have a part-time editor that works for us and I gave her your tracker
chapter as the first chapter to look at from the book. Her comments are
attached FYI. I took a look and her edits look pretty good, but you can
decide if you want to use them or not (she is not a technical person, but
has been reading our stuff for about two years and actually understands most
of it now). But she only works in Word, so we did a PDF to Word conversion
of your chapter so she can edit it. Please take a look when you can and tell
me if you think this is useful so I can decide if I will have her look at
other chapters or not.

Kevin


-----Original Message-----
From: klimenko at history.upenn.edu [mailto:klimenko at history.upenn.edu] 
Sent: Thursday, July 06, 2006 4:56 PM
To: cleary at georgetown.edu
Subject: IGSTK Book -- Tracker Chapter

Hi Kevin -- I had been expecting to come in tomorrow, so I read through your
IGSTK chapter today; you'll find it attached with my comments and
suggestions.
I have two general recommendations: 1) There are lots of circustances in
which
the passive voice can communicate ideas effectively, but I think that this
chapter is one in which you should try to use active voice as much as
possible.
 When you are talking about devices communicating with each other, the
active
voice can help clarify which device is performing which action. 2) Make sure
to
be crystal-clear when it comes to vocabulary.  You explain very clearly in
the
opening section that the chapter will be about the tracking component, and
not
so much about the tracking devices themselves.  Make sure that this
distinction
is clear every time you use the word "tracker."  Let me know if you have any
thoughts or questions!

Mark and Jane were signed up to meet with me tomorrow, but they emailed me
earlier today to say they got suckered into meetings and can no longer meet.
Kay is going to call me tomorrow morning to let me know if anyone else
signed
up over the course of today.  Would you like me to come in to discuss this
chapter or anything else you have going?

Thanks Kevin!  I hope that you enjoyed your Fourth of July.

Yours, Sarah
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